My husband and I have had a crazy marriage, rife with abuse, infidelity, and laziness. We both have pasts and have hurt each other by turns. We both have been through the gauntlet in our respective histories and unhealthy people cannot have a healthy relationship. It just does not work out like that. In December, I left my husband and moved with my children into my mom’s home. Scott flipped out, he never thought I’d leave, and had no idea where I was mentally, nor did he realize the extent that our past together had hurt me and my ability to love him.

I had no interest in reuniting, and felt perfectly content to remain single and raise only the two little boys the Lord had blessed us with. In fact, my highest aspiration at the time was to get to a point where we could talk civilly and raise our little ones separately without hurting them more than they had been. I chopped my hair, stopped wearing coverings, and had a hard time talking to God for a bit. I felt horrible, like I had failed God, my family, and myself. I had no idea that the Lord may be using this to do good in our lives, but faithful as always, He was busy in the background, working and turning both our hearts towards Him and each other.

Since I have left, my husband has found the Lord. In his desperation to keep his family together he came to see who he had become somehow…I was also going through my own transformation. I saw clearly for the first time what he had done to me, but also how I had been acting. Somewhere in the pain, I saw what I had been doing to my family for years…responding to things he was doing in wrong ways, not communicating in the slightest, and allowing him to be a man neither my children nor I needed around us.

A very good friend sent me a book to read: Fascinating Womanhood. I began to see real motivation behind what he was doing, and hearing the cry behind his actions. I began to see that he was only a man, and I only a woman, and that we had lost the love and compassion through our own actions. I resolved to someday do it better…and decided that when I found a new husband I would do it right from the beginning and be a good, strong wife. Allow him to be a husband, and not hurt whoever it would be. Ha!

I had no idea what was coming, that is for sure. I have begun to find myself again…learning that I do not have to squelch the gifts that God bestowed upon me just because another person doesn’t get the passion I have for those things. I began to write again, and draw, and crochet. He went to therapy, started attending church, became saved, and began working the Love Dare.

 

Gradually, and over time, I have realized that maybe, just maybe, I can start over in my marriage. Maybe we can go about it right this time. Maybe we can learn to love each other again and not tear each other down and cause pain to the one who we promised to share our life with.

While I do not know where this may be going, and how this story will pan out, we just may have the ability, with the Lord’s help, to resurrect what we could have…and be married forever, in love forever. Raising our children and loving and working through our problems with a grace and power that could rival anything thrown at us.

 

I look forward to seeing where this journey takes us.

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